Most dogs are naturally affectionate, but sometimes the bond between dog and human doesn’t quite click. Whether due to fear, misunderstanding, or past trauma, a dog might show signs of discomfort or disinterest around certain people. Here’s how to recognize the signs and what you can do to improve the relationship.

What Determines a Dog’s Affection & How to Bond

Dogs don’t dislike people for no reason

Dogs are incredibly intuitive, but they’re also shaped by experiences, environment, and training. If your dog seems to avoid you or act nervously around you, it’s not personal, it’s usually about something they associate with you. Learning what causes these reactions is the first step to changing them.

Body language tells you everything

Your dog’s ears, tail, posture, and eyes will all tell you how they’re feeling. Avoidance, flattened ears, lip licking, or a tucked tail are signs your dog is uneasy. Watching for these patterns can help you figure out when they’re feeling uncomfortable around you.

How to build a stronger bond with your dog in 5 steps

1. Start by giving your dog space. Let them approach you rather than forcing attention on them.
2. Use soft tones and slow movements to build trust. Sudden noises or jerky movements can startle a wary dog.
3. Offer high-value treats during calm, positive interactions. Let them associate you with safety and rewards.
4. Engage in calm activities like walks or gentle games, and avoid anything too loud or chaotic.
5. Stick to a consistent routine. Predictability builds trust, especially for dogs that have felt uncertain before.

These steps will help your dog start to feel safe, but it’s important to understand that hesitation, avoidance, or even fear-based behavior can stem from root issues like poor socialization, trauma, inconsistent handling, or a lack of clarity in how you communicate with them.

And until any underlying problems are addressed directly, they’ll continue to cause trouble in other areas.

“Okay, so how do I do that then?”

By developing your dog’s intelligence, that’s how! When they get the mental stimulation they desperately need in a loving, fun, and instructional way, all their behavioral problems start to disappear fast.

To make this happen, you’ll play 21 “brain” games created by Adrienne, a CPDT-KA certified dog trainer whose work has been featured in USA Today and Every Dog magazine. See her amazing results in this video with a dog named Maggie (scroll down).

Adrienne’s training games will end bad behavior while also teaching your dog to sit, lie down, stay, heel, drop, and walk calmly by your side. It’s simple, and it will be an absolute blast for you both. She explains exactly how her system works here, go take a look!

1. Your dog leaves the room when you enter

If your dog regularly gets up and walks out when you come near, that’s a red flag. Dogs who enjoy your company typically gravitate toward you. A consistent pattern of avoidance often means they’re not comfortable being around you, which might be due to past experiences, overwhelming energy, or confusing communication. Reducing pressure and letting your dog choose when to interact is the first step toward earning their trust.

2. Your dog constantly avoids eye contact

Dogs usually maintain eye contact with people they trust, especially during bonding moments. If your dog frequently turns their head away or avoids looking at you altogether, it’s often a sign of discomfort or insecurity. This can happen when a dog doesn’t feel fully safe or doesn’t know how to interpret your intentions. Over time, gentle and consistent interactions can help rebuild trust and improve eye contact.

3. Your dog stiffens when you pet them

Instead of relaxing into your touch, a dog that doesn’t like you may freeze or subtly shift away. This behavior can be easy to miss but is very telling. It means they may feel uncertain about your touch, either because it’s too fast, too rough, or simply unwanted. Learning how and where your dog likes to be petted can go a long way toward creating comfort.

4. Your dog prefers to sleep far from you

While some dogs like their space, most bond strongly with their favorite humans and choose to sleep nearby. If your dog always chooses the furthest spot from where you are, it could be a signal of detachment. Encouraging closeness without pressure can help shift this pattern over time.

5. Your dog ignores your cues or commands

If your dog seems to follow everyone else’s instructions but tunes you out, it may indicate a lack of trust or interest in you specifically. Dogs that like and respect their handler will usually respond more reliably. Rebuilding the relationship with reward-based training and clear communication can turn this around.

6. Your dog hides behind furniture or other people

This is a clear sign of avoidance behavior, especially if it happens consistently in your presence. Dogs hide when they’re unsure or frightened, and hiding behind a barrier is a way to self-soothe. If your dog chooses distance every time you enter the space, something in your interactions may be overwhelming to them. Start by reducing the intensity of your presence and giving your dog safe choices.

7. Your dog rarely wags their tail around you

A happy dog typically has a soft, relaxed tail that wags loosely when they see you. If your dog keeps their tail low, stiff, or doesn’t wag when you’re around, it suggests emotional distance. It may not mean dislike in an aggressive sense, but it’s a sign they aren’t comfortable or excited by your presence.

8. Your dog startles easily around you

If your dog is jumpy when you stand, speak, or even move near them, it may mean they don’t yet trust your body language. This can happen if a dog has had bad experiences in the past or hasn’t been desensitized to human movement. The more calmly and predictably you act, the more your dog will begin to feel at ease.

9. Your dog doesn’t get excited when you return

Most dogs greet their people with tail wags, wiggles, or a rush to the door. If your dog doesn’t react at all, or even leaves the room, it may be a sign of emotional distance. While not every dog is super energetic, a complete lack of response can signal a fractured relationship or past negative associations.

10. Your dog growls or snaps during normal handling

If you reach to attach a leash or brush their coat and they growl, this isn’t just a behavior problem, it’s often a warning that they’re uncomfortable with you. Dogs that feel safe don’t resort to growling during everyday activities. The key is to back off, reduce stress, and rebuild trust before reintroducing touch or handling.

11. Your dog shows more affection to others than you

If your dog regularly seeks out your partner, family member, or even strangers while seeming disinterested in you, it could mean the bond just isn’t strong yet. While this can feel disheartening, it’s something you can change. With consistency, kindness, and respect, you can become their favorite person in time.

Conclusion

Remember, just because your dog doesn’t act affectionately toward you right now doesn’t mean it’s permanent. With understanding, patience, and the right approach, any bond can grow stronger.

P.S. Be sure to pin this so you can keep improving your relationship with your dog!